I came upon this old journal entry of mine from a year ago (8/13/09) and thought it'd make the most perfect Memorial Box Monday post. So I've decided to copy and paste it as my entry today:
I think sometimes we as Christians- as the bride of Christ- forget how much Jesus loves us. Do you recall the early days of romance, when you first fell for your significant other, and how intense those feelings were? Sometimes I couldn't eat or sleep or do anything but lay around and daydream about Robby. My emotions had spread to my physical being and I was just so... taken over. Not to say that I'm not now, but obviously in an imperfect world things change. I am absolutely still in love with my husband, however my love has matured and evolved since those early days. Anyway, my point here is that Jesus does love us like that, all of the time. For Him, the love doesn't change. His love is perfect, is 100% pure, and is deeper and more solid than anything we could imagine. He loves us fiercely, intensely, and without fault. Some days I feel that so heavily... this morning was one of those times.
Several weeks ago- well into my cycle of continuously waking throughout the night to pee- I was looking out of the bathroom window into the back of our property (a large, lush, green hill backed up by woods). For whatever reason, I was hoping to spot an animal of some kind. Granted, I'd never seen anything from that particular window before in the 2+ years we've lived here, I just so happened to be in the mood to watch something. Anyhow, for many more mornings thereafter (well, more like the middle of the night) I kept looking, hoping to spot something. But nothing ever appeared. So, finally, I said to God, "I'd really like to see a deer right outside this window some morning. Will you bring me one?" From that point on, over the next few weeks, I'd look outside for a deer every time I got up to pee during the night and early morning hours (which is a LOT, by the way). Nothing, nothing, nothing... except maybe my dog Lily bouncing around out there, looking for critters in the grass to munch on. I knew, though, that Jesus would bring me that deer; somehow, I simply didn't doubt it.
This morning at about 3:45 AM I walked into the bathroom to, yes, urinate once again and when I looked out of the window into the dark, I saw something move. It scared me! I was like, "What IS that?" Then I saw a head lift up and right there was a big, gorgeous, female deer. She was so pretty and so soft and she was slowly eating right outside that window. I watched her eat and poke around for several minutes, until she wandered off into the shadows where I could no longer see her. I was so happy.
Some would think, "It's a deer, big deal". But that's not the point. Sure, we live out in the country and there are countless deer and various other animals who wander around here that are spotted quite often. It's normal and not uncommon in the least. But what I was and am so happy about is not the fact that I saw yet another wild animal on my property, but that I knew my God heard my request and I knew that He loved me enough to take the time out of the millions of other things He's constantly got going on to show me that very love. And He did exactly that. I could feel Him smiling as I smiled watching that deer eat. And I went back to bed with such a feeling of love and appreciation for a God who loves and appreciates me a million times more than I could ever fathom or ever return. He is in love with me and He shows me in so many different and creative ways- this time with a deer outside my window. And that's all it took.
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