Not even close.

Given that I am female- which automatically puts me at high risk for being fickle- I'm sure it's not surprising that I struggle with how I view certain areas of my life. Some days I think I want it one way, other days I think it would be better if it were opposite. But there's one area in particular that God just won't seem to allow me to waver on: building my family. No matter how much I occasionally try to convince myself it'd be "wiser" to wait a few years before we conceive again or how we have to have a bigger house, etc, the Lord keeps bringing me back to the fact that what HE wants is for my husband and I to relinquish all control of our lives to him, every single area, and that includes the size/timing/building of our family. Seriously, the guy won't give it up. He's way better at being stubborn than I am.

Do Robby and I agree on this? Thankfully, yes. Do we both feel confident and reassured that God has it all under control and we'll just let all hesitations die when it comes to possible conception? Um, not even close. The thought of not handling this area ourselves is terrifying. Why? I'm not sure. Do we think we know better than God? No. Do we not trust Him to provide financially for a much bigger household? We trust Him. (Matthew 6:33) So what's the deal? The only thing I know to say is that selfishness plays a giant role here. The thought of turning into a "baby machine" for the next 12ish years of my life doesn't sound appealing in the least. Between being pregnant for 9 months, the pain of giving birth, the preparation of another human being entering our family, nursing each child for 1+ years, teaching them how to walk, talk, eat, be polite and so much more isn't to be taken lightly. It's HARD. It's real WORK. Some days, I feel like I'm ruining my kids because I seem to possess the inability to remain calm when Amos has pooped for the third time in 2 hours, Jasper is flipping out over the "scary sounds" the washing machine is making, my phone is ringing, both dogs are barking, and Ireland is politely attempting to inform me that, HELLO, the Fedex man is outside the front door. Okay, so that's not my typical day, however when you add more kids to the mix, you're adding more responsibility, less time for yourself, less time for you and your husband, bigger grocery bills, less space inside your home, and more gray hairs to your head. But guess what? That's not how God sees it. God has declared to us in His Word time and time again that children are a BLESSING, that the man who has many (we're talking a house full, to the brim) is happy, is favored by the Lord, and will reap countless rewards for the rest of his days. God Himself has deemed those occasionally spotted, outrageously large familes out there as being outrageously abundant in His riches! It's so easy to look over or to forget that, but it's in the scriptures as plain as day. Satan has very successfully managed to come along and absolutely twist something beautiful- God's most incredible of all gifts to His children- into something seen as a burden. How does society view the married couple who always seems to be expecting another child? "Well don't you know how that happens?" How are these families looked upon when they're out in public together? "How did they all get here, on a tour bus?" Society says that if you have more than 2-3 children, you're over populating the earth/are financially irresponsible/are never going to enjoy married life again/must be part of a cult/etc/etc. But God Almighty Himself begs to differ, begs to argue with any and all of your excuses, and begs you to look at it from a purely Biblical perspective before you decide to close your womb and end your time of childbearing. So who is it that you're trusting? What voice are you listening to? If you can agree that giving God all of the OTHER areas of your life is of absolute importance, then why is this one area something so many of us try desperately to manage on our own?

I know what I want and that's God's perfect will for me. For my husband. For my kids. And if that includes 10 more children, so be it. If that means a completed family once our fourth child arrives this summer, then I am on board. I am positive both Robby and I will struggle with discomfort on this topic for quite some time, but we have ultimately given it to God. For good. Neither of us can stand in a room with our kids and say, "I could easily see my life without him/her". Not even close.


Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their enemies in the gate. Psalm 127:3-5

Praise the Lord! Blessed is the man who fears the Lord, who greatly delights in his commandments! His offspring will be mighty in the land; the generation of the upright will be blessed. Wealth and riches are in his house, and his righteousness endures forever. Light dawns in the darkness for the upright; he is gracious, merciful, and righteous. It is well with the man who deals generously and lends; who conducts his affairs with justice. Psalm 112:1-10

When a woman is giving birth, she has sorrow because her hour has come, but when she has delivered the baby, she no longer remembers the anguish, for joy that a human being has been born into the world. John 16:21

Blessed is everyone who fears the Lord, who walks in his ways! You shall eat the fruit of the labor of your hands; you shall be blessed, and it shall be well with you. Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your children will be like olive shoots around your table. Behold, thus shall the man be blessed who fears the Lord. The Lord bless you from Zion! May you see the prosperity of Jerusalem all the days of your life! Psalm 128:1-6