I do believe my head has exploded.

The past week and a half has been... how do I put this...


Challenging.


I paid our home study agency the $7,100.00 in fees that were required up front. You know, the fees that took us nine months and a lot of hard work to raise. I have been working tirelessly (more like a deranged woman) on all of the paperwork that has to be done prior to the home study being complete. This includes separate questionnaires for both Robby and I (he answers, I type it out for him) with about 100 questions that range from our finances (down to the last little detail), our childhoods, our relationships with family members, hobbies and interests, job titles of our siblings (...?!), the quality of our sex life, grades we made in elementary school, physical descriptions of each of our children (...?!), how we are going to handle introducing our adopted child into our family, any past marital mishaps (infidelity, viewing of pornography, etc.), personal religion, our shortcomings and how we feel we could better ourselves as human beings, and the list goes on and on.


And on.


Additionally we have to submit a lot of forms either through the postal mail or scanned and uploaded online. We have to sign, notarize, and even ask friends to sign and notarize some forms. It is way past simply checking things off a to-do list. It is completely draining because it involves so much brain work (and a good portion of physical work as well) that it begins to affect your emotions. I sometimes feel like I really need to take a break, but when I try I'm overcome with an overwhelming need to just get it done. It's hard. I've been frazzled, anxious, confused, and frustrated. The good news is that because I have been working so hard and with so much determination to get through it, I have only a few things left to do (which are personally out of my hands). However, they're significant chunks of the puzzle. One of them is getting physicals from a doctor for my entire family. Which, of course, is a giant undertaking all on its own. I literally spent 1.5 hours on the phone with a local doctor's office figuring out dates/times we could get everyone in as close together as possible. That meant we had to schedule appointments in chunks; some of us will go late next week during the afternoon, some of us the following morning, and the rest the following afternoon. On top of that, they have to draw blood from all of us, even the babies. I can't even stand to think about that and neither could the lady I was talking to at the doctor's office. Unfortunately that is a requirement directly from the country from which we're adopting and cannot be changed.


Oh and did I mention that we will have to have the same physicals done all over again right before our dossier is sent to Latin America? Yeah.


Needless to say, it's been rough. And things got even tougher when I was informed by my home study agency early this week that they will not even schedule our first interview with a social worker (a minimum of three is required) until we have turned in every.last.document. Even my adoption agency contact was appalled by that. I have never, ever, one single solitary time heard of a home study that had such requirements. Typically people are able to work through their list of requirements for the home study throughout the process. Not with our agency. When I was told this, I admit that I broke down a little. So what does this mean? It means that everything is on our shoulders if we want a speedy home study process. Right now I am waiting on the following:

1. Reference letters from family/friends to be completed and returned to my agency
2. Some documents we requested from Robby's employer
3. Completed medicals for the family
4. The last 19 questions of Robby's Adoptive Parent Questionnaire (which we are consistently working on together when he is home)

My agency was impressed that I've completed so much so quickly, but that's come at a cost of exasperation. I just don't see the point in dragging my feet in even the smallest way when it's already been a full year since we announced we are adopting. Our little girl is down in an orphanage in Latin America waiting for her mama, daddy, brothers, and sisters!


If I sound like I am complaining, please understand that it's so much less about griping about "all of the crap I have to do" and so much more about giving a raw, authentic view of what this actually entails. It's hard. But I do know that it is exceedingly worth it all.